nut hugger
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
worst night to have a conscience
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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