Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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