Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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