Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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