How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
