Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
