I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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