If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
