Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
