Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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