I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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