Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
