I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Pants are for mortals
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
