he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
