he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
