Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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