the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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