Non-Jews are for practice
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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