he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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