don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
