dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
