Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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