Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
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