i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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