if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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