While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
