Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
