pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
not ubering you a puppy
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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