I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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