i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
