i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize