i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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