And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
