I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize