We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
