apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
