btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
