Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
