giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
