You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
