listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
