You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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