but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
