so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
