your thong is hanging out like whoa
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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