He is an equal opportunity slut.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
