oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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