Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize