Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
