how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
