i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
