Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize