I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
