onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
