I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
