I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
