she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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