They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
