thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize