I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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