from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
