I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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