Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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