Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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