I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
