VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
