Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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