I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Randomize
