guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
